Addict’s Prayer

I pray for clarity
I pray for hope
I pray for the desire to relinquish the dope
I can’t cope
And every time I try and put it down it screams out nope nope nope
The war on Terror’s going on inside my head
But the Terror’s me, me trying to kill me dead
Always leaving something unsaid
Hiding in the shadows from myself, I crawl under my bed
Around the corner from every sunny street I seem to find new dread
My bloods black not red, and I’m so weary of it
I long to get busted, or bus hit
In my reflection i spit
What’s wrong with me? So I take another hit
They tell me the world’s at my feet
But some days I just dont have the strength to compete
With the demon of deceit
Handing me my ass back, beat
How many times did I swear
I’m done, but the devil’s not playing fair
Knots in my hair, sick from the air
Let me tie this noose around my neck and jump of this chair
I can’t bear it!
Compare myself to the sane and the sober
On hands and knees searchin for some four leaf clover
But its too late, game’s over
I was born backward, hole in place of heart
And the last stretch is always the longest yard
Placing bets on how many more times I’ll get wrecked
Hit the deck with gusto, til it got hard
Now my head’s in shambles, mind’s in shards
My curse is that it seems I keep it together
Through stormy weather
When inside I’m a feather
Trembling on wings of a sick angel’s grin
As she falls from the skies,
No one to hear her cries
So she revels in the lies
Cus even when she tries she’s a devil in disguise
Surmising she won’t even be pure, won’t ever be could
Try as she might, try as she should
She’s a leech, a roach, the plague
Disease festering in body bags
The shit the homeless drag
Watch stopped, time’s on lag
When she shoots she’s shooting for the stars
Not for the black tar
Not for the impossibly far
She just wants her little piece of heaven back
Escape from the voices on attack
A mirage, it’s all out of wack
And all she has to show for it is needle tracks
Cemented in her skin, she gives in
Goes to the king pin, let’s him sink his teeth in
She’ll never win, but neither will he
Because you can’t have

That which will never be.